Well, it's been a long, been a long, been a long...

...been a long day!

This morning began with Randall throwing the mother of all fits about having to get dressed by himself. He would scream "I can't do it" and yell and cry. I finally went to blow dry my hair and I could hear him the whole time (until I got smart and closed the door). He was still screaming when I finished. Granted, it only takes me about 6 or 7 minutes to dry my hair, but still!

I sat and prayed with him and cried. I cried as I drove to BSF. I prayed as I cried. I did a lot of praying and crying.

We were a little late to BSF and it was a battle all the way in--he threw his cup on the floor and refused to pick it up, he jerked himself away from me when I went to pull him in the door (I hate it when kids jerk away from their parents--it is very disrespectful body language). It was one thing after another.

Randall was being a brat. A full-fledged, red-blooded b-r-a-t. I was ready to scream. I did hit the wall at one point at home when I was dealing with him. I had been patient through spankings, time outs, explanations, warnings... and I had had it. I slapped my palms on the wall. It didn't hurt, but it must've been hard because this evening I noticed two places where the plaster had come off the wall at nails. Oops.

Randall refused to speak to his BSF teachers and tried to run from them when they welcomed him into the room. If I hadn't already spanked him before that (enough times to last a normal child a week), I would've spanked him. But, I was all spanked out. And, it obviously wasn't working.

I was on the verge of tears during the beginning of the morning, but I was able to take my mind off of my emotions when the morning got started in the Children's Area where I was volunteering this morning. When I went to get Randall after class, he was his normal, smiling self. At one point, I passed one of the children's leaders that had seen Randall's fit in the hallway and I said, "I'd like you to meet Randall. This is Randall. I'm not sure who that little boy was this morning." That was really how I felt.

I don't know what it is that makes him behave that way, but it's almost as if a button has been pushed. Then, as if another button is pushed, he will begin to calm down. It's not anything I've said, warned about, explained or disciplined out of him. He just stops.

He did it again this evening for Slade when Slade took him to the bathroom before bed. He absolutely flat out refused to pull his pants down. It was this morning all over again.

I almost didn't post about our day. I hate the thought of anyone thinking any less of Randall based on my honesty about his stubbornness. I hate for anyone to label him based on what I've said. I hate for anyone to say he or I need counseling or medicine to deal with these issues. I know my tendency to judge moms based on how their children behave and it's wrong. But it's something I struggle with. And I hate for anyone reading this to judge me or Randall based on our day today. Although I wouldn't hold it against you.

If you had seen Randall today, you might wonder what was wrong with my parenting. I'm wondering myself. I'm not sure what to do to encourage him to be the sweet kid I see most days. I'm not sure how to discipline him when he is absolutely out of control like he was this morning. Honestly, all I can do is pray. Pray for wisdom and patience and maybe even creativity when I'm in the middle of a morning like we had. I just don't know what to do.

I am open to advice. And I'm grateful for your prayers.

Two Flip-Flop Kinda Days

Yesterday and today were flip-flop days for me.

Yesterday was the first MOPS day of the year and, for the first time in over 6 years of attending MOPS, I was on the Steering Team. Then, today was the first day of BSF, and for the first time in 3 years as a Children's Leader, I was not in leadership. It was weird. Good, because I know this is where God wants me right now, but still a little weird.

MOPS yesterday went wonderfully! We had 27 moms (Steering Team included in that head count) and 6 wonderful Mentor Moms. The morning went smoothly and everyone seemed to have fun! We want it to be fun enough that moms make it a priority, but also encouraging and a place where they can relax and grow so that, hopefully, they can see their growth as moms.

It was very different being in leadership and knowing what was coming next. It took some of the thrill out of it. :-) But, I think that it will just take time for me to get adjusted to this position of being in on the planning and such. We had some great prizes to give away and there seemed to be a lot of excitement about the year. I'm looking forward to seeing all God has in store for us this year.

BSF went great, too. I am so looking forward to having the homework to do each week to help me reguarly study the Bible. I do so much better when I have some direction (whether with BSF or through some other kind of study). I knew about half of the ladies in my group and my discussion leader was so sweet and honest and real.

I missed the excitement of waiting to see which kids will be in your class and how you and your new co-leader will gel together. I missed staying after for lecture and the chatting and laughing that is always present during that time.

But, I know that I am where God wants me. I am in a different chapter this year and it might take some time to get used to it, but I'm looking forward to all God has in store.

Anyone else feeling a little flip flopped this year?

Retreat Pictures

Here are some pictures of the ladies I spent the weekend with. I brought my camera, but I never once pulled it out. Luckily, Phyllis is a camera-aholic, so we got lots of great pictures.

5 of the 6 Children's Leaders. L-R: Phyllis, Ann, Browne, Terri, me. That look on Terri's face is pretty common - she looks like she's trying to look innocent even though she's guilty, guilty, guilty.


Phyllis with one of the valet parkers on the right and who knows who on the left. She took so many pictures of people she didn't know. It was quite comical. She mainly wanted the horse statue in the background in the picture.


Trayce and Brian. Trayce is our Teaching Leader (meaning she gives the lecture after we've discussed our questions). She has encouraged and challenged me over and over. Her husband, Brian, is a Discussion Leader (they facilitate the question and answer time in small groups) in the Evening Men's class. He's also an ER doctor, so he was available during the retreat for any big or small emergencies.


Here is Kay (there is a super glue update here), Ann and Browne. Got questions? They've got answers. Well, at least, they were supposed to. I think they did more chatting and laughing than actually helping people. No, I'm sure they were a big help. But, I'm also sure they did a lot of chatting and laughing.


Because there were 80% women there and only 20% men, they turned one of the men's bathrooms into another women's bathroom. It was quite a shock the first time people walked in and then thought they had gone into the wrong bathroom by accident. Makes your heart jump! Ann and Kelly (the Assistant Children's Administrator) are just chatting while they wait for someone. Great blackmail picture, even if it is a little blurry.


The last evening of retreat, we went and kidnapped Ann and Browne. They were already in their pajamas. We all wanted to see Kay's glow-in-the-dark pajamas. Bet you didn't know they made those. Here, everyone is getting on the elevator. The hotel was so big that there were multiple elevators and some people even had to get off one and get on another to get to their rooms. I'm sure it helped with congestion on the elevators, but it was a little confusing.


On the way home, we stopped at Chili's. L-R: Kelly, me, Phyllis, Carol (Class Administrator), Lisa (um... Assistant Secretary, I think) and Kay (Discussion Leader)


The other table next to us at Chili's. R-L this time, starting with Ann, who has the date on her shirt, then Terri, Martha (Children's Administrator), Elizabeth (Discussion Leader and my roommate), Beth (Discussion Leader) and Sammye (Discussion Leader)


This last picture is of Sammye who celebrated her birthday the last day of retreat. I doubt you can guess her age because she looks so good! We got the waiters to sing to her and everyone enjoyed some of her chocolate shake.


So, now there are faces to go with the stories you hear about these ladies. Just in case you thought they were a figment of my imagination...

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a relief it is!

No, I don't have indigestion or heart burn, but I have the wonderful feeling you get after you relieve heartburn. Actually, it's even better. :-)

I got home from the BSF retreat this afternoon around 4:30 or so and when I walked in the house, I heard angels singing. Well, okay, that's not true, but it was so clean and neat that I'm sure they must've been singing in heaven! I think it looked better than when I left Friday morning! Laundry had been done, the kitchen was clean and swept (even the dishwasher and sink were empty of all dishes), our bedroom was picked up and the bed made, the bathrooms were picked up.

Slade amazed me with the effort he put into getting things picked up. I didn't have any expectation of what the house would/should look like and it was a pleasant surprise to see it so orderly and peaceful. He's the best!

It was great to see Slade and the boys and I got lots of sweet hugs and stories of all they had done while I was gone. I am so thankful that they had fun and that everything went so well.

I had a blast on the retreat! It was in Dallas this year at... some big hotel there. Adam's Mark, maybe? It was in the middle of a name change, so I don't know what it's name was/is.

Phyllis, my co-leader, and Ann and Terri (they co-teach the little sweet 2 year olds) and I were in Phyllis' vehicle. We talked and laughed and laughed and talked and the 2 1/2 hour drive passed very quickly.

We got to Dallas around 12:30ish and Terri and I and a few others had nothing to do until dinner at 6. Many in our class were helping out in different capacities (greeting, answering questions, etc), but we didn't have to do that, so a group of us headed out and went shopping. We went to North-something mall...I think. Are you glad I didn't drive? Anyway, we walked around the mall for a little over an hour (in our lovely BSF attire...and shoes!) and then had about 3 hours before we needed to be at dinner.

My roommate, Elizabeth, and I were going to work on our lessons, but instead we talked. And laughed. And talked. And ate Oreos. I really enjoy Elizabeth because she's very transparent and open. She's also due to deliver a baby in 4 weeks, but she kept that baby inside, which I really appreciated as well.

The BSF retreat was similar to other retreats I've been on, but also different. We had a speaker and sessions of lectures, but they were very in-depth and not at all emotional (like you sometimes might get on church retreats). We sang a bunch of songs from our hymnbook, which I enjoyed, although certain people, who will remain nameless (ahem, Terri and Phyllis), distracted me and I kept hitting wrong notes. If they hadn't been making me laugh, I could have hit those high notes, I'm sure. Yeah, so that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

There were just under 3000 men and women there. Probably about 20% men's leaders and 80% women's leaders. It was really neat to sing together and study together with other leaders who are doing similar preparation throughout the week and such.

Our sessions centered around the book of Isaiah and we got a too-brief overview of the whole book during the weekend. We also got to meet some of the leadership that help BSF run so well. It was encouraging, challenging, convicting and inspiring.

I started the weekend with a prayer that God would use the time away to confirm His call for me to do MOPS leadership instead of BSF leadership for the next two years. I knew I would hear inspiring stories of people who give and do so much for BSF and I didn't want to feel regretful about my decision. I feel like I received that confirmation that I am and will be just where God wants me as I finish up BSF and then begin MOPS. I will miss so, so, so many things about leadership, but I just pray that if that is in my future again that God will work out all those details. He's a big God and I'm so thankful I can pray and trust Him to guide me.

Elizabeth and I stayed up late the first night chatting with two other ladies and that was fun. Then Saturday night, we stayed up even later and with almost everyone that came from our class. We laughed and laughed until our sides hurt. What a fun experience to see the ladies I've gotten to know pretty well "let their hair down", so to speak, and get to know them even better. We have a fun group of ladies and I will treasure the memories we made this weekend.

So, it's bittersweet when I think of leaving, but I'll still see everyone while I attend the studies and I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me, as well as who will replace me in the children's area. I just hope she doesn't get too comfy, because in two years, I'm booting her out. Um, just kidding. I hope she loves it as much as I have and that the class grows so much in the next 2 years that they'll need to open up another children's class and I will be able to co-lead there or something. :-)

Well, I really ought to go do something productive or even try to get to bed at a reasonable hour... G'night!

Yabba Dabba Do!

That's what Fred Flinstone always said when the 5:00 dinosaur rang and he was finished with work, so that's what I'm saying because in about an hour and a half, I'll be headed to Dallas for the BSF retreat. I'm looking forward to it. It only comes around every 3 years, so this will be my first year. It's a time of intense Bible study, which will be enjoyable, plus I'll get to know the ladies in my class better and I'm sure new ladies, as well.

The downer... I'm missing my church's Ladies' Retreat this weekend. Boo. I always enjoy our Ladies retreats and the retreat committee does such a great job making it a lot of fun. But, it's a yearly retreat, so I'll be back on board next year.

I don't know if I've already said this or not, but after much prayer and talking with Slade, I've decided not to do BSF leadership next year. I still plan to do the Bible study because it's really the best study I've ever been a part of, but I want to focus my energy and time on MOPS for the next 2 years.

I will miss BSF leadership a lot, but I am looking forward to this new adventure. MOPS has encouraged me as a mom and helped me grow as a Christian, as well as just a person. I've enjoyed the speakers we have and have been challenged in lots of areas. I look forward to giving back to MOPS.

Back to BSF, we always give a pink sheet to the moms/grandmoms when they pick up their little ones that has a help (called a home training lesson) for them as parents. They're always very good.

Recently, the lesson was on praying for characteristics you want to see in your children. I know that's so simple and common knowledge, but it was eye-opening for me. I've struggled with the kids in specific areas, and I've been praying for them, but this gave me the reminder to be specific.

I've been praying for self-control for both boys. Randall can go totally out of control at the most random things and Russ gets angry easily. As I've prayed for self-control for them, it has helped me to be more aware when I'm in the situation of my reaction and how to better respond, too. Neat how that works, isn't it? :-) I've also been praying for Russell to be more empathatic. He is not usually very concerned for how others feel or if they are affected by what he does. I know I won't see immediate results, but I feel more proactive.

And I am seeing some results. This morning, Russ woke up very crabby because he went to bed later than usual. Slade's mom came over and watched the kids for the evening so we could go out before I leave. They weren't in bed super late, but we got home just a little bit afterwards and they heard us and wanted hugs and such. Anyway, so he had a hard time waking up and was growling and whining and such--all quite loudly. I looked him in the eyes and reminded him that he had a special time with Nanny, but that if he couldn't choose a good attitude after a special late night, then he would have to go to bed early tonight. It took a few minutes, and a few more gentle reminders, but he stopped the loud whining and has had a good attitude the rest of the morning. Yay!

So, all that to say, I'm so thankful to be a part of two very life-touching ministries--BSF and MOPS. I like them so much they both get capital letters, even. :-)

Have a good weekend!

MOPS Happenings

Well, Randall is in bed taking a nap (and it's only 11:30). He has been saying his tummy hurt all day and has eaten hardly anything. I don't want to give him medicine, because then he's up and going and maybe all he needs is to rest.

But, that gives me blogging time. :-)

Well, some big happenings around here. I have decided to be the co-coordinator of a new MOPS group that our church is chartering, beginning next year. Our group right now is at maximum capacity (75 or so moms!) and there is still a waiting list. So, my friend, Christy, prayerfully decided to take on the task of starting a new one. Longview is definitely big enough to support more than one and I'm excited about it!

I really prayed about just how involved to be in this new one and, after lots of soul searching and going back and forth, I've decided not to do BSF next year so that I can let MOPS be my ministry. I will still be in BSF, just not in leadership. I know I'll miss many aspects of leadership, but I really feel like this is a good decision and direction. I only get to be in MOPS for 2 more years! Then I'll officially have no more preschoolers (they count kindergarten as still preschool since it's not mandatory in all states).

So, I probably don't really know exactly what I'm getting myself into, but I'm looking forward to all of it! I think the world of Christy and look forward to working with her in this aspect.

So, if any of you are interested in MOPS and would like to help out in any capacity (or even just attend!) let me know! I'll hook you up!

BSF

Wednesday was our first BSF class. I am working with the 4's and 5's with Phyllis. We only had enough kiddos for 3 classes this year. I thought we were going to have the older 4's and 5's, but we have some brand-new 4's and it's going to be a bit of a challenge to keep things on their level, but still interesting and challenging enough for the older ones. But, I think it'll be fun!

We had 13 kids and that was with 4 out! Whew! It's a big class. It's like no matter where you walk, you might step on a child. :-)

Class went really well. I know I will enjoy working with Phyllis. She's creative and impulsive and lots of fun. The kids love her, too. When Russell had her, I loved her because I could tell she loved Russ. I know I will absorb good stuff from her this year. :-)

Randall did great. He cried when I first dropped him off, but he went right to the volunteer (usually he tries to get Slade or me to stay and play and doesn't want someone else to try to help him have fun) and stopped crying pretty quickly. His teachers are Browne and Barby and I know he'll have a good time in their class this year. They played a game where they were setting a rhythm and having all the kids help clap everyone's names. Barby said that Randall wanted to clap his hamster's name instead of his. Silly guy.

Blah...

That is how I feel right now. Blah... And a little weepy. Not a good combination.

It's been a busy few weeks and I hate busy weeks. I also hate change and there's been a lot of that lately, too. BSF started up last Thursday and, although I am very excited to be "back in the saddle", I'm also feeling the stress of change. My Tuesdays and Wednesdays are spoken for now.

I'm also still adjusting to having Russ in school. I know, I know, it's been two weeks, can't I get over it?! No, I can't seem to. It is so hard having him gone all day. When I'm standing at the door waiting for exactly 3:10, not a minute sooner, I can always see him standing in line waiting to come out and he looks so sweet. He'll grin and wave at me and then grin and wave again. And he might make a face or something.

When he comes out, it's a quick hug, hop in the van and head home to start dinner, do any homework and hopefully get piano practice in before Slade gets home. But, I also want to just play with the boys and hang out like we did in "the good old days". I feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions. I know there's no reason for me to feel so overwhelmed, it's not like I'm gone all day, just Russell is. But, it has just thrown me off and I'm having trouble adjusting.

I've thought lately that I can so totally see why people homeschool and I have questioned our decision to send him to school. The other day, he said a kid in his class was punching him and spitting on him during a movie in the computer lab. Spitting on him?! The punk. I asked if he told the teacher and he said that they aren't allowed to talk during the movie. I asked if he raised his hand so that he wasn't just talking without permission and he said they aren't even allowed to do that. I asked what he would do if he had to go to the bathroom and he said they have to do that before the movie. I can picture the scenerio and I know that with so many kids the computer lab teacher probably did make some broad rules. But, surely he could say something if someone was behaving like that. But, what if he got in trouble because the teacher didn't listen to the whole story or if Russ didn't explain it well because he was so bothered or something. He didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing, he just said he kept scooting away until the kid finally stopped, but I just felt badly for him.

I know I can't protect my child from every injustice in the world, and I want to raise them to do the right thing even when everyone around them chooses to do the wrong thing, but I don't like not being there to rescue him...even if he doesn't think he needs to be rescued. I guess it's a control issue. Me, dealing with a control issue? Never...

Do I still feel like we did the right thing in sending him to school? In my head, yes... in my heart, not all the time. Do I want to pull him out of school and keep him home with me? In my heart, yes, in my head, not on your life. I know that I am not called to homeschool. Even if I were homeschooling, there would probably be a similar post about being stressed and not liking the change and balancing all my responsibilities, blah, blah, blah. That's just me. I don't do change. So, if everyone around me would just accomodate me, life would be fine...

I'm going to make it. So, is Russell. In fact, he might make it better than I do...

Good things about these busy last few days:

* At our BSF leadership meeting, I found out who my co-leader is and I'm super excited about teaching with Ms. Phyllis. She was Russell's teacher when he was 2 and she is very good. I hope to soak up a lot of her creativity this year. We will have 15-16 kids in our class! Whew! Creativity might be the only way we make it. Oh, yeah, that and the Lord's help.

* Sometime this week, we're going to go get a dwarf hamster for the boys. We went to the pet store with Slade's mom this weekend and I fell in love with the tiny little hamsters. I figured it would be the only pet Slade might possibly consider besides a fish and I didn't fall in love with the fish. I asked Slade if we could get the boys *wink wink* a hamster and he was surprisingly all for it. So, the boys *wink wink* get to pick out their hamster as soon as we have a free afternoon. Luckily, they're as excited as I am and I think it will be a fun pet.

* I spent hours in the yard this afternoon. My mom kept Randall and I got a lot accomplished. I went to Lowe's to get decorative bricks to go around the front flower bed. Then, I swept off the roof, cleaned out the gutters, raked and blew leaves out of the flower beds (more accurately, bush beds, since there aren't any flowers), blew out the garage and the driveway and got about 3/4 of the bricks placed. I don't know when I'll finish the remaining 1/4 and get the mulch down, but, that's okay.

* After all that work in the yard, I have blisters on my hands and every part of my body aches, including my toes. Hmm, what was the good? Oh, yeah, I got a good workout!

Okay, that's it. I'm off to clean the kitchen and then sit down with a good book.