That is how I feel right now. Blah... And a little weepy. Not a good combination.
It's been a busy few weeks and I hate busy weeks. I also hate change and there's been a lot of that lately, too. BSF started up last Thursday and, although I am very excited to be "back in the saddle", I'm also feeling the stress of change. My Tuesdays and Wednesdays are spoken for now.
I'm also still adjusting to having Russ in school. I know, I know, it's been two weeks, can't I get over it?! No, I can't seem to. It is so hard having him gone all day. When I'm standing at the door waiting for exactly 3:10, not a minute sooner, I can always see him standing in line waiting to come out and he looks so sweet. He'll grin and wave at me and then grin and wave again. And he might make a face or something.
When he comes out, it's a quick hug, hop in the van and head home to start dinner, do any homework and hopefully get piano practice in before Slade gets home. But, I also want to just play with the boys and hang out like we did in "the good old days". I feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions. I know there's no reason for me to feel so overwhelmed, it's not like I'm gone all day, just Russell is. But, it has just thrown me off and I'm having trouble adjusting.
I've thought lately that I can so totally see why people homeschool and I have questioned our decision to send him to school. The other day, he said a kid in his class was punching him and spitting on him during a movie in the computer lab. Spitting on him?! The punk. I asked if he told the teacher and he said that they aren't allowed to talk during the movie. I asked if he raised his hand so that he wasn't just talking without permission and he said they aren't even allowed to do that. I asked what he would do if he had to go to the bathroom and he said they have to do that before the movie. I can picture the scenerio and I know that with so many kids the computer lab teacher probably did make some broad rules. But, surely he could say something if someone was behaving like that. But, what if he got in trouble because the teacher didn't listen to the whole story or if Russ didn't explain it well because he was so bothered or something. He didn't seem too bothered by the whole thing, he just said he kept scooting away until the kid finally stopped, but I just felt badly for him.
I know I can't protect my child from every injustice in the world, and I want to raise them to do the right thing even when everyone around them chooses to do the wrong thing, but I don't like not being there to rescue him...even if he doesn't think he needs to be rescued. I guess it's a control issue. Me, dealing with a control issue? Never...
Do I still feel like we did the right thing in sending him to school? In my head, yes... in my heart, not all the time. Do I want to pull him out of school and keep him home with me? In my heart, yes, in my head, not on your life. I know that I am not called to homeschool. Even if I were homeschooling, there would probably be a similar post about being stressed and not liking the change and balancing all my responsibilities, blah, blah, blah. That's just me. I don't do change. So, if everyone around me would just accomodate me, life would be fine...
I'm going to make it. So, is Russell. In fact, he might make it better than I do...
Good things about these busy last few days:
* At our BSF leadership meeting, I found out who my co-leader is and I'm super excited about teaching with Ms. Phyllis. She was Russell's teacher when he was 2 and she is very good. I hope to soak up a lot of her creativity this year. We will have 15-16 kids in our class! Whew! Creativity might be the only way we make it. Oh, yeah, that and the Lord's help.
* Sometime this week, we're going to go get a dwarf hamster for the boys. We went to the pet store with Slade's mom this weekend and I fell in love with the tiny little hamsters. I figured it would be the only pet Slade might possibly consider besides a fish and I didn't fall in love with the fish. I asked Slade if we could get the boys *wink wink* a hamster and he was surprisingly all for it. So, the boys *wink wink* get to pick out their hamster as soon as we have a free afternoon. Luckily, they're as excited as I am and I think it will be a fun pet.
* I spent hours in the yard this afternoon. My mom kept Randall and I got a lot accomplished. I went to Lowe's to get decorative bricks to go around the front flower bed. Then, I swept off the roof, cleaned out the gutters, raked and blew leaves out of the flower beds (more accurately, bush beds, since there aren't any flowers), blew out the garage and the driveway and got about 3/4 of the bricks placed. I don't know when I'll finish the remaining 1/4 and get the mulch down, but, that's okay.
* After all that work in the yard, I have blisters on my hands and every part of my body aches, including my toes. Hmm, what was the good? Oh, yeah, I got a good workout!
Okay, that's it. I'm off to clean the kitchen and then sit down with a good book.
3 comments:
Jamie, Now you can understand the homeschool side a bit. I hate to think of all I would miss in a day's time.
I did BSF for 3 years. It took a lot of time - I can't imagine teaching it!
God bless you as you lead these kids.
i have to admit that everytime i read about russel not liking school or now the punching and spitting, i would say to myself, "can't they just pull him out?". i don't think i would have made it past the first day. Sam has such an excitement for learning, and if i saw that diminish because he was having such i hard time, i don't think i would be strong enough to encourage him to continue to press through the tough times. as with all things we do as parents, so much is influenced by how we grew up. i grew up feeling very alone and so i tend to want to be with my kids ALL the time. i want them to know without a doubt that i am there for them. based on how you talk about your mom and sisters i can tell that you felt secure in your family and maybe that's why your able to make it through this time of "letting him go" in a sense. whatever decision you make on a daily basis... to press on, to leave him in school, to wait another year, or to homeschool, you're a great mom and both your boys know it well! i admire your courage to stick to your decision as well as your willingness to seek God in all things.
I'm reading these in reverse order. What an exciting thing you get to witness Jaime. Yes these are hard times in your life but what a blessing to be able to see your kid grasp what life is all about and what Christ is all about. I'm so proud of Russel. It would be really hard for me too having Jo gone all day long. I pray that the time you have with him would be even more meaningful than those all day together kind of days. The Lord can do such amazing things. May Russel's faith soar this year. Yours too! :)
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